Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I hate my university.

This is not a test.

This is an actual emergency broadcast.

Somebody marry me in the next three years so that I can take the most expensive piece of paper ever (my diploma) and become a housewife.

This concludes our emergency broadcast.

This was not a test.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Great Microsoft parody

Commandos strike force

The commandos stealth/strategy game that i had been playing a while back has been made into a FPS, which sounds like fun.

The graphics engine presents a fair amount of detail, and manages to cram a lot of enemies on screen at once. There will be multiplayer support for deathmatch games as well as an innovative sabotage mode in which you have to interrogate the other team's players to learn the code that will get you into their base. You do this by running up to them after they've been injured but before they've died. This will let you wring from them a portion of the code before they die, and will also mean you might want to shoot your own teammates before they can talk. Eventually, one side will piece together the entire code and will be able to storm the other base for a win.

Link

Also, im bored in school so i'm looking at random faceblog archives and there were times where even i didnt have two posts next to eachother, everyone had a post or two within a month, did everyone's lives just get that boring now?

Sunday, February 26, 2006

A perpetual writing contest

just like any other web 2.0ish thing, its run by votes, when the meter at the top gets to $100, the top story's author gets $100

and, "The best headline the AP has written all week"

True Lies

One of the best lines ever written
Tom Arnold talking about his wife cheating on him

"Yeah, it happens to everyone, it happened with my second wife remember? I came home one day and everything was gone, I mean everything, she even took the ice cube trays out of the freezer. What kind of a sick bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer??"

When were we at The Strand?

Guy #1: Cookies!
Girl: I don't know if I want to bring in the cookies tomorrow; they're so heavy.
Guy #2: You know what's heavier? The guilt you'll feel for disappointing us.

--The Strand

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Awesome post. you have to read the post and the comments too to get it.

great last comment:


lol internet

Posted by: on February 25, 2006 01:00 PM

How about...

...instead of the old police jumping on people at every turn, we just keep in mind that stuff posted is meant to be discussed. Kay? Kay.
Better myspace thing

"so these things are a major mode of communication these days?"

"yeah, on the downside they're loaded with sexual predators.

but on the upside, they're also loaded with sexual prey"
Wow, go to the portfolio, and look at before/after, theres a button that says "click to see before"


Before/After

Friday, February 24, 2006

Truth about myspace

What would you do with?

Somebody get these boys sleeping pills.

Googabs is back!




and now introducing Sir Batman Wingsalot

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Nice

Now why would you want to send soldiers like these away from the US?

EyeSee

rob... rob... ... rob... what... what the fuck did i just watch?

Country of Rob

So what I'm going to do is take Staten Island and dump it over to get all the garbage out, then wipe it clean. Once thats done I'm going to drag it smack dab in the middle of the Atlantic and start my own country. Ed brought up a good point of how the island would sink so I devised a floating soda bottle program so we could tie empty soda bottle around the edge so it floats. The eventual goal would be to have the country grow until it linked North America with Europe and England. If you want prime real estate in the heart of the country you better sign up now.



You see? You see what happens when I'm up at 4am with nothing to do?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Ed we thought you were our friend

Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Swiss Alps, are a French guy, a U.S. Marine, an old Greek lady and a young blonde Swiss girl. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is thesound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Frenchman has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The old lady thinks: The Frenchman must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek. The blonde thinks: That Frenchman must have tried to grope me in the dark, but he missed me and fondled the old lady instead... and she slapped his cheek. The Frenchman thinks: The Marine must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. The Marine thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel so I can smack that Frenchman again.

OMG We're 1337

World's largest Windows error message

This picture is a scream. Network World online editor Adam Gaffin was in New York City over the weekend and snapped this photo of the world's largest Windows error message.

read more | digg story

multi-input touch screen

ZOMGFUCKINGHOLYSHIT

I FUCKING WANT ONE I WANT ONE I WANT ONE

NYU is the shit omg
More awesome experiments

AHH SO MUCH COOLOSITY!!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Wow

You guys never got this crazy with it. Look at the second page.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Tattoos are stupid?

Sunday, February 19, 2006

HELPPP

Since i think of computer geeks as smart and smart as people-who-can-do-math-that-ea-cant, maybe one of you can help me.

I know there is a name for this, permutaions or i dunno sumthin like that but i wanna what i wanna do is start with the number 2, square it, then square the resulting number, then square reulting number after that and so on.....40 times...then multiply the answer by 0.1 millimeters....then convert the answer to meters......

I tried to use excel with some made up formula but the numbers got too big and and since its a supid program it stops showing numers higher then 10 to the 307th power

I know it sounds stupid but its important. I swear if i paid attn in prob and stat i'd prob know how to do it. CURSE YOU SMOC!!

It's the music that makes this funny

Rich

Sellin my land for L$2000, cost me L$4000 worth L$5000. just sell urs first or u'll get charged $5 for the month

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Jesus's autograph


A scientist runs a computer program to demonstrate how a group of birds flies as a flock, to do it he has 5,000 people play a game of pong and fly a ONE plane in a flight sim.

" In the film Batman Returns a horde of large black bats swarmed through flooded tunnels into downtown Gotham. The bats were computer generated. A single bat was created and given leeway to automatically flap its wings. The one bat was copied by the dozens until the animators had a mob. Then each bat was instructed to move about on its own on the screen following only a few simple rules encoded into an algorithm: don't bump into another bat, keep up with your neighbors, and don't stray too far away. When the algorithmic bats were run, they flocked like real bats."

Friday, February 17, 2006

We are about to find out, as the Winter Games are under way in the picturesque Italian city of Turin (or, as they call it in Italy, ``Vienna''). It's a truly international gathering of athletes from all over the world, except for those parts of the world located in Africa, South America, Central America, Australia and large sectors of Asia.
Guy first amendment we're heading into 1984

on an unrelated note i found some paper on my dads desk, and now i know that my dad's body is made up of 55.1% water

Cheney Victim's Statement

MSNBC Article

at the end he apologizes for what cheneys going through...

yes hes sorry for getting in the way of cheney's bullets, man im so sorry for getting shot in the face

Thursday, February 16, 2006

This is awesome

Daily show

Anti-Sleep pills

Angry Chair
from pwot
the comment was "I'm sorry"

Awesome zippo tricks video

GU comics has another good comic, they were due for one.
Happy National Condom Week

Edit: Jenny and I saw a poster in the hallway that they're giving out free condoms on the 21st. We're going to go down there and get shitloads of them. Did you know they're like $12 a box here? That's a dollar a fuck!

. . . BF 2142?

Have the recent videos showing a futuristic looking game from DICE been showing this new battlefield game all along? Seems very plausible!

Quote:
Shacknews: What can we expect for the future of the Battlefield franchise?

Dan Blackstone: We’re about to announce something very big, so stay tuned. One other interviewer asked this and I gave him a hint, so it’s only fair that I do the same for you: 3213/3X2. Or said another way: S.R. 4588164.


If we were to venture a guess, S.R. stands for Square Root. The square root of 4588164 is 2142.

Are they tugging our chain? Only time will tell.

EDIT: When we did a WHOIS query on www.battlefield2142.com we noticed it is being held by groth.se, a registrar located in Stockholm, Sweden -- which coincidently located in the same city where DICE's headquarters are.

The WHOIS information for battlefield1942.com is quite similar, though is registered directly to DICE. Click here to see that.

Source: Shack News Interview with Dan Blackstone

Glamour

I was waiting in the nail place today to get my eyebrows done and there is this little 7yr old girl watching me. After burning a hole through me with her eyes, she finally she comes over and tells me that i am going to play teacher with her. She picks up some magazine and opens to a page with sex tips and orders me to read it. I try and turn to another page and she wont let me. I say something else besides whats written and the kid gets pissed. So i do the only thing i know to do.....

I hide in the bathroom.

She was banging on the door for 15 min....

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Kiefer considers spoof 24

"There was one scene where I was scaling the wall of the Chinese embassy and the dart gun in my holster fell out in the dark and went off and shot me in the ass halfway up the wall."

It sounds cool although i cannot imagine him playing the part.


----------


Stairway to heaven

Rumble Box

New Lara Croft

New Lara Croft Announced!


Angelina Jolie has been replaced as the in-the-flesh variant of Tomb Raider-legend Lara Croft. The new name to note is Karima Adebibe.

Karima who? Well, we can't blame you. Most of the world has never heard of her, but after a series of unlikely twists of fate, she is about to launch from obscurity into stardom: Computer game house Eidos have chosen Karima Adebibe from Bethnal Green as the new flesh and blood representation of Lara Croft.

Replacing the gorgeous Angelina Jolie, Karima will have to attend boot-camp and get clued up on the job as the job as every geek-boy's wet dream pretty damn quick. Up until recently, Karima was a sales assistant at Top Shop in London. She also worked as a model.

Now she has to fill the boots (and other garmets, if you catch our drift) of the world's favourite female action archaeologist.

"My boyfriend is an immigrant, so he's getting ready for the citizenship test and he wants me to help him. so i'm giving him pop quizzes on the constitution"

whats the second amendment?

Second amendment is right to bear arms, its the most important amendment in the constitution

you don't think its less important than the first amendment, the right to free speech?

You don't need free speech, You can say anything you want when you have a gun

I think you're gonna pass. and be voted governor of texas for life

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Anybody else

Not really care and/or think this is utterly stupid?

CHENEY

I mean, not the Veep shooting somebody... that part is awesome. What bugs the hell out of me is the way the press is so insulted that nobody told them. The media is like that dorky kid nobody want to come to their party.

Monday, February 13, 2006

i'm turning into stifin

somebody kick the second life ppl so it will go back online....ea=bored

Blogger for hire?

A blogger is auctioning his blogging services for 3 months on eBay.

He mentions Jonathan's blog in his eBay auction description as well as in the marketwatch article.

The auction runs for another couple days and is currently at $1,550.00...with 11 bids by 8 bidders. Why wouldn't these people simply hire a blogs consultant? My guess is they're hoping the final auction price will be less than the price of hiring a blogs consultant part-time for ~3 months. Not bad press for the 'blogger for hire' and free press for blogs.sun.com isn't bad either.

Are emergency brakes really that important?

The reason I ask is I know this girl with the emergency brake on in her husband's brand new Toyota Tacoma...you know, the '2005 Motor Trend Truck of the Year.'So, now she's wondering if she should tell him or just not worry about it because maybe emergency brakes really aren't that important. An emergency brake can't really stop a big honking vehicle, can it? I think not because I...I mean 'she'...was able to drive all the way to the mall and back with it on with no problem at all. Perhaps, emergency brakes are just some kind of placebo-like device to make one feel better prior to smashing into something because their real brake isn't working. In either case, the burned out brake was so worth the trip because she hit up the Lord & Taylor liquidation sale and got the following at *80% OFF*:
One lined lavender pant suit (perfect for spring and normally $300!)
One salmon wool coat (very Jackie O, normally $250, and pictured...'she' let me try it on)
One tweed jacket
Two summer shirts for her child
A skirt for her child
Shorts for her child Grand total on all of the above?$160.07!The look on her husband's face when she tells him about the burned up brake sacrificed on the new truck so she could properly cloth herself and his child?Priceless!
Is there anything left to post that isnt old?

Project Offset

Project Offset (it's a game so fuck off women)

Sunday, February 12, 2006

wow

o my god... wow...

that is awesome cg

Sharks
Ed i want to see you do this

Cat o' Nine tails vs. Huge Dildo
I need someone to come up with and implement an interior design for an evil lair. I have the outer form finished, and a basic idea of the theme that I want for it. This will involve building, texturing, and scripting work. For a basic idea of what I'm wanting think Bond villain. I need a quick turn around on this project, so message me if you're able to do it.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Now here's something you should all like




Ed Drunk:

Ed: dude
Ed: i left an awesome message
Ed: it counts for 7 million messages
crashwithuhk: what did you say?
Ed: i called her a bitch and said some other stuff
Ed: but besides that
Ed: it doesnt matter
crashwithuhk: lame
Ed: fuck you
crashwithuhk: that counts for -10 messages
Ed: you are such an asshole
crashwithuhk: what a gay message
Ed: fuck you
Ed: you dont know what youre talking about
crashwithuhk: now i better call and leave 50 to make up for your weak ass message
Ed: and i need more jack
Ed: fucking
Ed: bullshit
Ed: wheres arz
crashwithuhk: not here
Ed: fuck arz
Ed: fucking arz
Ed: what a fucker
Ed: its lik 5 am over there
crashwithuhk: he heard your message and signed off in disgust
Ed: send me more alcohol
Ed: fuck you
Ed: fuck you
Ed: you fucking
Ed: fucker
Ed: fucker
Ed: fuck
Ed: i hate you
Ed: so much
crashwithuhk: oh cause THAT makes the message less faggy
Ed: youre jsut upset cuz youre not drunk you fuckwit
Ed: fuck you
Ed: you fucker
Ed: i hate you

Friday, February 10, 2006

wow

Hey, Single & Bitter Readers: Come to The Stranger's Valentine's Day Bash! Bring a memento of your failed relationship, and we will destroy it for you live on stage! Purge! Heal! Love again! Full details in Stranger Suggests on page 40.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Second Life

The game world's mixture of fancy and serious business can lead to some incongruous scenes. "We joke that you just don't show up at a business meeting as a mermaid," said Rufer-Bach. "One guy is a furry, with an animal head. Another's a ball of glowing fuzz. There's a giant two-story robot transformer."

wtf?

Rich in vent: Hey, I just thought of an idea. What if in the future instead of "you got owned" it's gonna be "you got downloaded"?

-pause-

Madman: That was the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say.

For the Chuck Norris obsessed...

Ahem.... STEVE!

Asian guy: It's an ancient tradition: every Chinese New Year Bruce Lee fights Chuck Norris for good luck.

From Overheard.

MUSTACHE COMPETITION!!

GRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRR

I WIN!
These guys are ridiculously funny, i saw their show, but i don't know if its still in NY

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Worst book ever?

So apparently my grandmother found a bunch of books someone was throwing out, took a few and dropped them off at the house.

KITTY AND THE MIDNIGHT HOUR


"Kitty Norville is a midnight-shift DJ for a Denver radio station-and a werewolf in the closet. Her new late-night advice show for the supernaturally disadvantaged is a raging success, but it's Kitty who can use some help. With one sexy werewolf-hunter and a few homicidal undead on her tail, Kitty may have bitten off more than she can chew..."

Hey is that journey? Yeah it is!

Link

I have to agree with the guy from idontlikeyouinthatway.com, this never gets old.

This site fucking rocks, as does Victoria's Secret, how much are tickets to this thing?

EDIT: wait, i just found part 1, they just came out of a giant box of supermodel sex. with boots.

Face Armor

Digg

not letting me register for digg so heres the link to the post!

Jack Thompsons Game

I'm Ok Game

absolutely brilliant game
Anybody care to tell me what exactly PAX is, what days we're supposed to be going, and other details that would make me getting tickets far easier?

Lady of the Rings

oh wow... i didnt think shitty porn movies could be this shitty...

Monday, February 06, 2006

Feds Propose Tax on Wifi Use!

Bush is a fucking idiot. This is part of his proposed budget plan. We have to pay taxes on WiFi because he can't fucking handle an economy? Fuck impeachment, where's Lee Harvey Oswald when you need him?

read more | digg story

Quote of the Day

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
- Rodney Dangerfield
Buying beer in a keg is different than buying it in cans. For one thing, you have to provide your own drinking vessels. Regular folks use these red cups, sophisticated socialites use glass pint glasses, and movie stars and royalty prefer footwear.

Survey

Name 5 things(give or take) that if you suddenly recieved would leave you speechless (giver or take an "oh shit..") I can't actually think of five myself so it's give or take.

Mine for now:

1. A chance to meet Robert Rodriguez
2. A paying job in the film industry

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Jenna Jameson

Jenna on Howard Stern


im sure roma would enjoy those audio clips
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Friday, February 03, 2006

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Laura

It's not monk's hemp, but fuck, $25 for 100 feet? wanna split?

Hey can we adopt this?

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".

Just felt like sharing

This is a cool place in the city im going to tomorrow.

Grouphug

#1 - why would you use your belt??

I went on a camping trip with my boy scout troop. One night, I woke up very late in my tent and had to take a huge shit. The outhouse was about a quarter mile away in the woods, and I was scared. I went outside the tent and took a huge 10 minute shit. There was not any toilet paper, so I had to wipe myself with my boy scout belt. It was very uncomfortable. The next morning the scout master asked who did it, and no one admitted it. I told the scout master that it was another scout, Ben. He made Ben clean up the pile of human ficses and the shit stained belt. Too bad the idiot scout master didn't notice that I was the only person without a belt.


#2 - He's going to be disappointed when he finds out he waited all that time to get a girlfriend to ask her, and then finds out he does not, in fact, live in an erotica story.

I really want to have sex with my neighbor. She's in her mature ages. She has such a sexy voice and such a fit body and great, round, natural boobs...when I get a girlfriend, I'm gonna try and use the excuse that I don't know how to handle a woman and I want her to teach me to get to fuck her.
Yeah so consequence of stifin's nagging

88% change i'm coming to Washington...

I'll know in a few days...

Keep nagging me so i nag them so they dont forget
We have a new member. W00t.

Funny occurence of the day. I walk into my room and can't see Meg anywhere. I call her name while I check my email. All of a sudden, the pile of clothes on my bed moves. Turns out my bed was better for napping than hers.

Super Megason IV

OMG I WANT A SUPER MEGASON IV!!!

Edit: For those who havent seen it yet: Funny movie- Farm Sluts

not work safe, funny as fuck

OMG HAHAHAH

yes its consumption, but its one of those that i know youll all enjoy

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Rob: i have the ears of a wombat
ElBifin: wombats have big ears eh?
Rob: no
Rob: electronic ears
Rob: its where hearing aids come from
ElBifin: wow
ElBifin: thats crazy
Rob: dead wombat ears
ElBifin: im surprised peta hasnt jumped on that
Rob: they try
Rob: hearing aids are an underground thing

Rob- Random

We get bored sometimes and play weird sex games...


Cool article on people who track secret spy satellites.

On page 4 it has their website and tells you how you can see them yourself, apparently you can see alot of them just by looking up at the right time.

10 most peculiar places in the world
Somewhere halfway through, theres something about a phone booth thats being made into a movie. why? how? i dont know.

This is fucked up.

Your brain on sex

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This is good.

The world needs more of this. oh so much more.